On Bravery
by VintageOppression
Summary: Remus reflects on his courage at the end of his life. Anther take on the same story. Slash. RL/SB. Some RL/NT.


Summary: Remus reflects on his courage at the end of his life. Anther take on the same story. Slash. RL/SB. Some RL/NT.

Rating: T - Some sexual-ish scenes and unhappiness

* * *

It wasn't that Remus didn't love him. It wasn't that he was unfaithful. It was that every bone in his body ached and Tonks was there. She didn't sooth him, but she needed him and he was distracted by her. And it was that even though she changed her appearance more often than the weather – there were certain traits that settled in her. Her cheek bones were high and proud and pressed against his face in the same places when they kissed as when he had kissed Sirius so many countless times before. Her hair had the same thick, shaggy texture when he ran his fingers through it regardless of color and length.

She distracted him, she let him forget and when Teddy was born he gave him a purpose in life. Remus knew he would die long before his child became a man. It was as inevitable as all other things these days. He had faith in Harry, but he believed Voldemort might actually succeed in his goal. After all, Sirius was dead and there was a time when that seemed as impossible as the sun not rising. Now anything was possible. Remus couldn't bring himself to face death. Maybe being a werewolf he'd always expected it earlier than most. He only hoped he could keep his wife and son of the fray.

"Hey," Remus spun around, looking at Tonks leaning against the doorway. He turned away, returning his gaze to the baby boy sleeping in the crib.

"Hey," he whispered back.

"You should get some sleep, sweetheart."

"I'll be there in just a few minutes." Her hand pressed against his shoulder and he turned to kiss her. "I love you," he whispered and she smiled. She glanced down at Teddy and nodded before leaving them alone.

"Teddy, I hope you don't hate your father." Remus whispered when he was sure Tonks had left. "I wasn't always such a coward." He stroked the head of his sleeping child. "But then again I was never much of a hero. Your old dad tried to stay out of the fray as much as possible. Sirius was always the heroic one. Him and James. They never presented me with the opportunity to be a hero. They were always protecting me." Teddy made a gurgling noise and fidgeted but remaining asleep.

"Once, 6th year in potions – Merlin, Slughorn hated me – he loved Sirius and James, but he knew what I was. All the teachers knew. So Slughorn hated me because I was – well, anyways. One day I exploded my cauldron. It was the morning after and Slughorn – knowing this – had assigned us a particularly difficult potion. In the resulting smoke cloud, Sirius threw me to the ground and took his place in my seat. He told me in angry whispers to sit at his cauldron. I was still in shock so I did as he said. When the smoke cleared, there was Slughorn standing over Sirius looking surprised to see his star student in front of such a mess.

'Sorry professor,' Sirius said. He looked so casual sitting there, brushing my ruined potion off his robes. He said something about having a long night. Implying things you're much too young to be taught, Teddy," Remus paused for a long moment just to observe his son. The tips of his hair changing color from blond to blue with each steady, deep breath.

"Well, Slughorn turned to me, I'm sure I looked surprised and guilty. 'Mr. Lupin,' he said to me. I remember those words to this day. 'Mr. Lupin, if I am not mistaken this is Mr. Black's cauldron. Now, why would you be using Mr. Black's cauldron?' I couldn't think of a response but Sirius was there immediately. 'Sorry, professor – I had a hole in mine and Remus said he could mend it. I'm rubbish at charms. And potions, too, I suppose.' Sirius laughed at himself and old Slughorn turned a horrible shade of violet. Sirius was his favorite student. He couldn't very well say he lied. He took away 5 house points but that really meant nothing. Sirius lost Gryffindor 30 to 50 house points as a daily average." Remus swallowed heavily.

"Sirius always had a way of showing me that courage was in the small moments that can sometimes seem insignificant. But, here we are, two decades later and I still remember. I hope you get your courage from your mother and not from me."

* * *

The spell struck him suddenly, but Remus was hardly surprised. He had been living on borrowed time since Sirius died. His body burned from the force of the spell, but Remus felt disconnected from the pain. He saw himself, naked and sprawled across Sirius' chest, their limbs moved teasingly in their glow.

'Christ, Moons. I don't know how you do it.'

'Hmm?' Remus grunted, playing with the fine black hairs that danced around Sirius' nipples.

'The moons, the transfigurations every month. I don't know how you do it.' Remus kissed the hardened nub and purred as Sirius run his fingers through his hair and massaged his scalp.

'I just do it pads. It never gets familiar. But it's just like breathing or changing your underwear. Ok, maybe not quite like that. But it's hard to describe. It's just something you do.' Remus changed a glance at Sirius' face and watched as the animagus glared at the ceiling. 'Pads, what's wrong?'

'I just- it's not fair. It isn't fair that it's you. You're the kindest most loving person. I wish it was a burden I could carry for you.' Remus brushed his thumb across Sirius' high cheekbone and chuckled.

'If this was something you could take from me, then I would take it back from you, then you would take it back from me and so on and so forth. And he would never get anything done. He leaned down and licked the shell of Sirius' ear and smiled when the animagus' eyes were once again on his. 'I like to think that the powers that be made up for all of it with you.' Sirius finally smiled a bit.

"Remus, you are the most profound person I know. I lov-"

The fire was back, scorching through his veins and he screamed and screamed and screamed. In the midst of his pain he was aware of what stages of psychosis he was going through. Though hours had passed it had only been half a moment. The synapses were misfiring in his brain as he died. And really it was such a pity to die. A pity but not really a surprise.

"Remus, take my hand." Through watering eyes he was the solid hand that he knew belonged to Sirius.

"Come on, Remus. Take my hand. You can let go of this." Remus could only scream in response. The pain was too great, he couldn't move his body.

"Remus, let go. Trust me," the voice told him. And Remus remembered hearing those words when Sirius told him he knew his secret, in the moments before he kissed him for the first time, before he slid into his body for the first time, the night before Lilly and James were killed, before going into the Department of Mysteries -

"Trust me," it came softer this time. So he did, because really he would have followed Sirius anywhere. The pain drifted into numbness and he immediately wished for the burning again. Were these the last few breath before his death and then would nothing exit? Why was there a battle raging if death ended everything? But then there was a steadying hand on his shoulder and Remus turned.

"I'm dead," he said without question. Sirius nodded. "Am I going to disappear into nothingness now?" Sirius nodded. "But Teddy-?"

"Is safe. He'll be a good man, a brave man. Like his father." Remus felt hysteria clutch his throat.

"A good man? I'm a werewolf and a coward, Sirius. You're always the brave one." He yelled, annoyed at Sirius' calm collectedness.

"You went through so much in your life, Remus. You overcame so many obstacles'."

"That's bullshit, Sirius. Its bullshit and you know it! I didn't deal with being a lycanthrope because I was brave I did it because I was too scared to die. I survived everything because I was scared of the consequences!" Sirius reached for him. "Get away from me! Don't touch me! This is all going to end in a moment. My body is going to die and my nerves will stop firing and I don't want you to be my last thought. I don't want to be reminded of how much of a coward I am." Sirius grabbed his hand and Remus tried to shake him off to no avail.

"What are you talking about?"

"Tonks! I betrayed you!" Remus screamed.

"Betrayed me?"

"I was too afraid to be alone. I was too much of a coward to bear everything without you." Sirius' face cracked into a smile.

"Remus, bravery isn't reckless abandon into situations too lager for you. Bravery is doing what needs to be done despite your fear." Remus was suddenly pressed against Sirius' chest and couldn't escape.

"I don't want to die." He whispered. "I don't want to die alone here." Sirius gripped him tighter. "I don't want to go into the dark. Don't let it end."

"There is no more dark." Whispered into Remus' ear, his voice growing gradually softer.

"And moons?"

"There are none of those either." He said, as a smile tugged at the edges of his lips.

"Will you ever leave me again?"

"Never."

"Can you promise?"

"Trust me." And Remus did. Because he was staring into eyes he knew so well. The eyes he had finally come home to.

"I'm scared."

"I know. But I'll be your courage. There are no more good-byes, Moons. Not ever again."

* * *

Teddy didn't come to the gave often. He never saw the sense in talking to a tombstone. His family had been food to him growing up, but even now at the age of 25 he found he needed his dad.

Tonight was special. Tonight he was going to ask Rose to marry him and he wanted to tell his dad first because he though he couldn't meet his father, he knew him. So today he'd come to ask for his father's blessing and a bit of courage. Because Remus Lupin was the bravest man he knew.


End file.
